So I’ve been thinking about introspection lately. And that’s not to say that I’ve been doing more of it myself (I’m constantly doing it and I think I would go crazy if I were to try and do it anymore than I do already), but I’ve been thinking about the act of introspection itself.
The thoughts of pattern recognition and meta analysis of the Self came to me as I advised a friend about trying a new drug for the first time. While I initially had very little reservations about their Gung-ho attitude, after I slept on it I had some concerns which I felt they needed to hear.
These concerns were about their personality and how they’ve reacted negatively to other drugs in the past. Now I realize that I’m not them, but I’ve done the drug in question a few times so I know what to expect, and due to my aforementioned introspective nature, I’ve thought heavily about my experiences.
And maybe I’m out of line here, but I just can’t bring myself to say that I think everyone does the same thing. I can think of only one person off the top of my head that I personally know who’s objectively critical about themselves, and that’s pretty dismal to say the least (and I am aware that the plural of anecdote isn’t data, blah blah blah). It seems to me that most people just aren’t able to make the abstractions necessary and see the patterns of their lives.
An example for me personally is alcohol. I know to a pretty high degree how I will feel after one drink, after two, after five, and so on. I can assess my situation and environment before I start drinking (and make updates while I drink) and then stick to my “optimal amount of drinks at this moment” without deviating from that. I’m very disciplined about my drinking.
But time and time again, I see people and friends who drink too much. And it’s not my own personal definition of drinking too much, but their own, because they literally tell me “I drank too much!”, followed by copious amounts of regret shortly thereafter.
And we’re all humans here. We make mistakes sometimes. That’s how we learn and grow. But when it’s the same mistake repeatedly, I can’t help but wonder if you’re even paying attention to yourself. To your life.
Why does it seem like so many people are unable to see the patterns that lead them to undesired consequences? You’ve drank before. You’ve drank too much before. Do some self assessment and stop before you reach the tipping point?
“But this time was different, I forgot I hadn’t eaten all day!”
Really? I would consider myself as someone who hates food when compared to the average millennial. I can eat the same thing multiple days in a row, I never spend more than 5 seconds planning my next meal, and I sure as hell don’t take any pictures of my food on a regular basis. I even replaced half of my meals with Soylent for a few months because I would rather chug a tasteless liquid than to worry about what my next meal is. Sadly I’ve had to stop in recent months because when you’re living at home with a mother who won’t stop trying to feed you every two hours no matter how many times you ask her to stop cooking so much damn food, you give in and place your mom’s feelings over your own health just so you don’t have to have an argument with her every day over something as basic as food.
Do I sound ungrateful? If you were to replace a mother who pushes food on you with a government who mandates that you smoke a cigarette every two hours, do I still sound ungrateful? I realize that’s a bit of an extreme metaphor, but I hope you get my point (and I hope you also know that I think my mom is still an amazing person, despite our vastly different views on food).
Where am I going with all of this? As someone who barely cares about food, I still remember to take into account how much I’ve eaten when I’m drinking. I just don’t buy the argument that you forgot when I know you constantly make plans around food, anticipate those plans for hours if not days, and then document those plans as they’re happening for Instagram. Your actions don’t line up with what you’re trying to claim.
“I lost count of how many drinks I had.”
I don’t think I’ve ever counted how many drinks I’ve had. I’ve seen people write tally marks on their arm to keep track, and I think that’s a good idea, but it’s something that I’ve never done personally. Drinking has a mix of objective, physical effects on the body alongside subjective, emotional effects on your state of consciousness, so while being able to count the actual number of drinks you’ve had is good data to know, it’s not enough on its own to help you navigate the night.
Pay attention to how you’re feeling at different points in the night. Pay attention to how that 4th drink affected you. Just pay attention. A large component of drinking is pacing. Five drinks in five hours is barely a buzz. Five drinks in two hours is a different story. You don’t have to keep track down to the minute, but PAY ATTENTION.
“I forgot I took that extra shot.”
If you’re at this point, then you’ve already set yourself up to fail. If your memory and inhibitions are so far gone that you’re unable to recall large parts of the night, then just accept that you drank too much and had a good time doing so. Don’t regret it and don’t beat yourself up about it the next day. Sure you’re going to have a terrible hangover, but that’s the price you pay. Accept it and do it again with full knowledge of what’s to come, or decide it’s not worth it and don’t get to that point again. Either way take some responsibility for your actions.
I don’t know how a post that was supposed to be about introspective pattern recognition and meta analysis turned into a crash course on how to not become an alcoholic, but I’m cool with it.
Notice the patterns in your life. Think about what it means for your life if those patterns continue. Make better decisions.
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