So I just had a very lucid dream. Thinking as far back as I can, I earliest thing I remember is being on campus near the student center with my friend Matt. For some reason we are talking to a girl and her friend about going over to her place and having sex. They were both unnattractive, one was overweight and the other was very thin with a creepy witch face. We go and nothing happens, but they tell us there's a machine nearby that dispenses small doses of liquid cocaine. The night goes on and still nothing happens, we just talk and eventually they head to their rooms and we crash in the living room.
At some point in the night, I decide it would be a good idea to try some of the liquid cocaine. I take a dose and am immediately overcome with a high stronger than I have felt before, so much that I'm almost paralyzed from it. As I'm laying there, I try to get into a good position because I start to remember from Breaking Bad that you're supposed to sleep on your side so that if you end up puking, you don't don't drown in your own puke from sleeping on your back.
Right before I drift off to sleep (This is still inside the dream, remember?), I'm sort of shaken by Matt saying it's time to go. However, as I get up, he notices I don't look well and I lean over, only to immediately puke my guts out. "I was fine until you messed with me!" was my immediate thought, and I was kind of upset even though he was trying to help me. I proceed to puke over everything and eventually on Matt himself, at which point he says, "Fuck this shit I'm out", and leaves.
As he heads out the door, I follow him, begging him to stay but as I stepped outside I start puking again, this time in front of 4-5 people standing near a corner. "I'm fucked!" I thought as I quickly rush back inside. "They saw me and they know I took cocaine! I'm going to jail!" The two girls are standing in the hallway nearby as I reentered their house, both smiling ear to ear in a very devilish manner.
I run past them and into the bathroom to clean myself up, using my toothbrush that has now magically appeared. I notice for the first time what I'm wearing - an untucked, white button down shirt with blue jeans, my hair a mess, and puke running down my front. I started to remember stories about how people who had a bad experience the first time trying cocaine usually ended up not being addicted since they never tried it, so I began to see the positive side of all this happening to me.
I had locked the bathroom door, but at some point it just started opening back and forth as if it were blowing in the wind. The overweight girl was standing there still smiling, but this time it seemed sincere. She handed me my things and I gave her my thanks, and which point I started to leave the room. At this point, I woke up before I reached the door.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Holiday Ambivalence
So it's the holidays once again. I'm always... ambivalent this time of year. On one hand, I know that these aren't my holidays. Christian holidays that I don't identify with, but still participate in to some degree. With greed and gluttony all around me, I put on a smile and feign interest. On the other hand, I try to look past all of this. I try to look past my own hypocrisy and make the best of the situation. I appreciate that people have good intentions and good will towards others, even if it's possibly for the wrong reasons.
I've done summer classes or study abroad every year since leaving high school. Last December I was in Panama with my friend for life, Daniel. It's been two years since I've been home for any good amount of time, and I don't like it. Does this make me a bad person? All I see over Facebook is how grateful everyone is for their family and friends and what they have, and I feel as though I should be doing the same.
But I'm not.
Don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate what my family has done for me, especially my parents. I can't even begin to imagine the sacrifices they've made in their lives just so their children could have the life they never could.However, I don't hold either of my sisters in such high regard; I don't know if this makes me a bad brother. One is too headstrong and thinks she knows everything there is to know about the world, and the other still acts like she's 12 and seems utterly clueless as to how to be independent.
Being away from my family for so long has shown me that I've grown into a person that doesn't fit into my family anymore. Or maybe I never did in the first place and was just unaware. Either way, it's been a rude awaking to come to this realization. And it's weird to think that I don't want to be around these people for any length of time, because growing up I never had these thoughts. It was very apparent to me then (and now) that family is always going to be there for you when others won't.
Now how am I supposed to feel about this? The people who I don't necessarily enjoy being around are the ones who will be there for me when times are tough. The people who I enjoy being around might be there for me, but it's not guaranteed except for a certain few. I know of two people for certain I could count on in this world outside of my family. I'm just going to count myself lucky that there are many others who are starting to reach this status in my life.
It's funny how I can only see the bad from my family even though I would consider myself one who sees the good in everyone.
I've done summer classes or study abroad every year since leaving high school. Last December I was in Panama with my friend for life, Daniel. It's been two years since I've been home for any good amount of time, and I don't like it. Does this make me a bad person? All I see over Facebook is how grateful everyone is for their family and friends and what they have, and I feel as though I should be doing the same.
But I'm not.
Don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate what my family has done for me, especially my parents. I can't even begin to imagine the sacrifices they've made in their lives just so their children could have the life they never could.However, I don't hold either of my sisters in such high regard; I don't know if this makes me a bad brother. One is too headstrong and thinks she knows everything there is to know about the world, and the other still acts like she's 12 and seems utterly clueless as to how to be independent.
Being away from my family for so long has shown me that I've grown into a person that doesn't fit into my family anymore. Or maybe I never did in the first place and was just unaware. Either way, it's been a rude awaking to come to this realization. And it's weird to think that I don't want to be around these people for any length of time, because growing up I never had these thoughts. It was very apparent to me then (and now) that family is always going to be there for you when others won't.
Now how am I supposed to feel about this? The people who I don't necessarily enjoy being around are the ones who will be there for me when times are tough. The people who I enjoy being around might be there for me, but it's not guaranteed except for a certain few. I know of two people for certain I could count on in this world outside of my family. I'm just going to count myself lucky that there are many others who are starting to reach this status in my life.
It's funny how I can only see the bad from my family even though I would consider myself one who sees the good in everyone.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
A Shift From Traditional Texting
I think I'm starting to come to terms with how old I'm actually getting. I'm only 22, but I can already see some generational gaps occurring, even among those only 3-4 years younger than me. One of the more recent things I've noticed is how people are texting. When I was growing up, having an unlimited texting plan was a big deal since it allowed you to always be in contact with your friends. I didn't even get my first phone until I was a sophomore in high school. Now, it seems as though anyone over the age of 10 has a phone with texting, and most of them even have smartphones.
Now, I also grew up when Myspace was still popular and Facebook was just a competitor. Sometimes I still can't believe that was still only just over 5 years ago. I grew up when social networking was still something new, unfamiliar and exciting. It's something that I learned after I had already formed some opinions on life (opinions that might be stupid, but opinions nonetheless). To put this into some sort of perspective, I was 17 when I joined Facebook, and my friends who use Facebook in what I consider a strange way were 13-14 when they joined.
That doesn't seem like a big gap in age, but it's a big difference in mindset. I'm going into my junior year of high school and they are still in middle school. They have a different take on what Facebook is actually useful for. So how does this all tie together? Since these "kids" (I say kids even though I still consider myself one) actually have smartphones and data plans that go with them, having the ability to text from the actual phone network isn't such a big deal anymore.
Who needs a texting plan when you can have a data plan that allows you to not only have the Internet at your fingertips, but by caveat also have Facebook and it's messaging system as well? Why pay an extra $X amount of dollars for something that you can do already? From an economical standpoint, it's just downright stupid.
Now, as my friends will gladly point out, I'm a very cheap person. It's something that I've learned from my parents and it's something I'm thankful for. I may not have ever worked at an actual job for a day in my life, but I can assure you that I can probably manage my money better than most kids my age who have actually been a part of the work force for many years now.
This idea of using Facebook as a texting platform really shouldn't bother me so much. It logically makes sense, but for some reason it just doesn't feel right to me. I think it's because while growing up, texting and Facebook were two separate things that came at different points in my life, and the younger generation grew up with both. It's not strange for them to use one or the other interchangeably. It's all just communication in the end, right?
I feel like I'm just rambling at this point, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is this: Why do I feel like texting has a different significance from a Facebook message? They're both just text communication in the end, they can both be delivered to your phone these days, and they both serve the same function. I guess it's a rhetorical question in a sense, since I know it's all just a psychological thing at this point.
Now, I also grew up when Myspace was still popular and Facebook was just a competitor. Sometimes I still can't believe that was still only just over 5 years ago. I grew up when social networking was still something new, unfamiliar and exciting. It's something that I learned after I had already formed some opinions on life (opinions that might be stupid, but opinions nonetheless). To put this into some sort of perspective, I was 17 when I joined Facebook, and my friends who use Facebook in what I consider a strange way were 13-14 when they joined.
That doesn't seem like a big gap in age, but it's a big difference in mindset. I'm going into my junior year of high school and they are still in middle school. They have a different take on what Facebook is actually useful for. So how does this all tie together? Since these "kids" (I say kids even though I still consider myself one) actually have smartphones and data plans that go with them, having the ability to text from the actual phone network isn't such a big deal anymore.
Who needs a texting plan when you can have a data plan that allows you to not only have the Internet at your fingertips, but by caveat also have Facebook and it's messaging system as well? Why pay an extra $X amount of dollars for something that you can do already? From an economical standpoint, it's just downright stupid.
Now, as my friends will gladly point out, I'm a very cheap person. It's something that I've learned from my parents and it's something I'm thankful for. I may not have ever worked at an actual job for a day in my life, but I can assure you that I can probably manage my money better than most kids my age who have actually been a part of the work force for many years now.
This idea of using Facebook as a texting platform really shouldn't bother me so much. It logically makes sense, but for some reason it just doesn't feel right to me. I think it's because while growing up, texting and Facebook were two separate things that came at different points in my life, and the younger generation grew up with both. It's not strange for them to use one or the other interchangeably. It's all just communication in the end, right?
I feel like I'm just rambling at this point, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is this: Why do I feel like texting has a different significance from a Facebook message? They're both just text communication in the end, they can both be delivered to your phone these days, and they both serve the same function. I guess it's a rhetorical question in a sense, since I know it's all just a psychological thing at this point.
Friday, May 25, 2012
How to Get OpenGL in Processing Using Eclipse
This is something that I just spent the past 3 hours figuring out, so I thought that I would write this up so that it might prove helpful to others. It took me some quite some time to assimilate all the information I gathered across various sites, most of which were many years old, so I figured I would write it down so it could be found in one place =) I'm currently using Windows 7 32 bit, but I'm upgrading to 64 bit next week so I might make an edit if there are any major differences between the two (I don't expect any however).
First, visit http://processing.org/learning/eclipse/ to see how to get Processing in general to work with Eclipse. It's a fairly straightforward guide and shouldn't be too much trouble.
Now for the OpenGL part.
Start by navigating to
File > Import > General > File System
Browse to your processing-1.5.1 folder, and then choose the lib folder. Mark the core.jar file that's inside and hit Finish to import it.
Now go back to the processing folder, but this time instead of lib, you're going to go to
modes > java > libraries > opengl > library
Mark the three jar files inside (gluegen-rt.jar, jogl.jar, and opengl.jar) and hit Finish to import those.
Go back one more time to the opengl library as in the previous step, but this time go inside the library and choose the folder that corresponds to whatever operating system you are using. There should be four files inside, regardless of your operating system, but the file type will differ based on what you're using. However, they should be named libglugen-rt.*, libjogl_awt.*, libjogl_cg.*, and libjogl.*, with the * being the file type specific to your OS. Import these four files by hitting Finish once again.
Now you should have eight files in your Referenced Libraries folder. You now need to add them all to the build path. You can do this by right-clicking > Build Path > Add to Build Path.
Once you've added all the libraries, you need to copy the last four files you imported (The ones specific to your OS) into your src folder.
Finally, go to
Run > Run Configurations > Arguments tab > VM arguments
and add this line "-DJava.library.path=PATH TO OPENGL LIBRARY" (Without the quotes)
Change your path so that it finds the opengl library. For example, mine is
-DJava.library.path=C:\Users\Summit\Desktop\processing-1.5.1\modes\java\libraries\opengl\library\
Once you're done, hit Apply and then Close.
You're finished! Now at the top of your sketch, make sure you import openGL with
import processing.opengl.*
and in your setup() method, make sure you enable openGL by doing
size(screenWidth, screenHeight, OPENGL);
where screenWidth and screenHeight are whatever size you decide them to be.
You should now be able to run your program as a Java Applet.
Hope this has helped! Let me know if you see any errors or have any questions.
First, visit http://processing.org/learning/eclipse/ to see how to get Processing in general to work with Eclipse. It's a fairly straightforward guide and shouldn't be too much trouble.
Now for the OpenGL part.
Start by navigating to
File > Import > General > File System
Browse to your processing-1.5.1 folder, and then choose the lib folder. Mark the core.jar file that's inside and hit Finish to import it.
Now go back to the processing folder, but this time instead of lib, you're going to go to
modes > java > libraries > opengl > library
Mark the three jar files inside (gluegen-rt.jar, jogl.jar, and opengl.jar) and hit Finish to import those.
Go back one more time to the opengl library as in the previous step, but this time go inside the library and choose the folder that corresponds to whatever operating system you are using. There should be four files inside, regardless of your operating system, but the file type will differ based on what you're using. However, they should be named libglugen-rt.*, libjogl_awt.*, libjogl_cg.*, and libjogl.*, with the * being the file type specific to your OS. Import these four files by hitting Finish once again.
Now you should have eight files in your Referenced Libraries folder. You now need to add them all to the build path. You can do this by right-clicking > Build Path > Add to Build Path.
Once you've added all the libraries, you need to copy the last four files you imported (The ones specific to your OS) into your src folder.
Finally, go to
Run > Run Configurations > Arguments tab > VM arguments
and add this line "-DJava.library.path=PATH TO OPENGL LIBRARY" (Without the quotes)
Change your path so that it finds the opengl library. For example, mine is
-DJava.library.path=C:\Users\Summit\Desktop\processing-1.5.1\modes\java\libraries\opengl\library\
Once you're done, hit Apply and then Close.
You're finished! Now at the top of your sketch, make sure you import openGL with
import processing.opengl.*
and in your setup() method, make sure you enable openGL by doing
size(screenWidth, screenHeight, OPENGL);
where screenWidth and screenHeight are whatever size you decide them to be.
You should now be able to run your program as a Java Applet.
Hope this has helped! Let me know if you see any errors or have any questions.
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