Now that I’ve moved out of Atlanta and back to my hometown, I’ve been thinking about who I want to spend my time and energy on. Gone are the days of making plans on the fly and being able to meet at a location with less than an hour’s notice. I’ve started to notice the things that are barriers to friendship, the most obvious one being proximity. The other big one that I’ve been ruminating over lately is socio-economic status.
There are entire groups of people that you will never be friends with because the activities that they perceive as “normal” are not your version of normal. The rich are friends with the rich, because they are able to partake in activities that others are not able to afford. Similarly, the poor are friends with the poor, because they cannot afford to see people who want to do activities that require money that they don’t have.
So you make friends with people who are on a similar position on the spectrum. That friend who can no longer go out for drinks because they can’t make rent if they do? They’re basically a ghost to you since that’s the activity you previously enjoyed doing together and you never found any other common ground.
Somewhat tangential to this is the expectation that an activity must be happening in order for you to see each other at all. At least in my circles, it’s rare to see your friends outside of a specific context, which is usually food or drink. Friends don’t just drop in to say hi and sit around and talk for a few hours anymore, and I wish we did because we’re all moving so fast these days. If we’re not “multitasking” by seeing friends and having dinner at the same time, it’s almost as if we feel unproductive with that time.
It’s kind of a shame.
With all that being said, I want to celebrate some of my friends. The following are 10 people who’ve been in my life for at least the past year, most of them longer. I constrained myself to find something that I think is awesome about them, and then to find something that I think isn’t so great about them. I might do another 10 at a future time because these were just the first people that came to mind. There are many other people in my life who’ve shaped me into the person that I am today.
I have a friend who’s always wrapped up in his work. He loves what he does, and I love that he throws himself into his passion above and beyond any other sane person I know. Sometimes we disagree on how to handle situations in life, but I still love him.
I have a friend who can tap into her inner child with almost no effort. She can be stubborn at times, but I love that she sticks to her guns. Sometimes I don’t understand the things she does, but I still love her.
I have a friend who’s switched places with me. Where he was in his life a year ago is where I am today, and vice versa. I love that he worked hard to get to where he is, and I’m happy that things are finally looking up for him in life. Sometimes I feel like he’s too pessimistic, but I still love him.
I have a friend who’s on the other side of the country. I love that he’s an amazing guy who’s already accomplished so much in his life. Sometimes he will throw pity parties for himself and I get annoyed with him, but I still love him.
I have another friend who’s on the other side of the country. We’ve never met in person, but for the past 6 years he’s been an inspiration to me. I love that he’s true to himself and never apologizes for being who he is. Sometimes I think he says or does some truly awful things, but I still love him.
I have yet another friend who’s on the other side of the country. He’s one of the most sensible and open-minded people I know. I love that he’s wicked smart and is also a huge stoner, defying the common stereotypes from where he hails. Sometimes we go months without talking for no reason at all, but I still love him.
I have a friend who was once a lover. I ended things because I couldn’t get enough of her, and she didn’t have the time and attention that I wanted her to give me. I still love everything about her. Sometimes she doesn’t reply to my messages and it bothers me more than it should, but I still love her.
I have a friend who’s a serial monogamist. He’ll disappear into his significant other for weeks on end, but he’s been trying to balance his social life better. Sometimes I worry that he’s putting all of his eggs into one basket, but I still love him.
I have a friend who’s been in my life since 6th grade. I love that he’s the only friend who I expect to get a phone call from rather than a text. Sometimes I think he tries to be too much of a people pleaser, but I still love him.
I have a friend who I didn’t like at first. I felt like he was never serious enough about anything, but he’s shown amazing loyalty that I can’t help but admire and try to match in return. Sometimes he still gets on my nerves, but I still love him.
And then there’s me. I love that I’m self aware enough to at least acknowledge a few of my many shortcomings. Sometimes I’m a huge hypocrite and am terrible at keeping in touch with people, only to get upset when others fail to keep in touch with me.
But I still love me anyways.
